Guatever!

             Greetings from Guatemala!

After a month in Guate, we have lots of stories, but here is the condensed version in chronological order (we think)…

Tikal highlights:

-Walking through the forest to the sounds of the howler monkeys 

-Sunrise over the ruins...

-Toucan spotting...

-Monkey spotting...

-Climbing ruins...

-Exploring (having the place to ourselves)...

Tikal lowlights:

- 3am departure

-15 people shoved into 12 seater van… 3 extra persons makes a BIG difference

- Finding out that Howler Monkeys throw their faeces at you as a sign of their dominance...

- Tarantula hunting...

- Guy with shotgun walking very closely at the back of the group in case of puma/jaguar attacks…. We were at the back. Later we found out Jaguars prey on the laggers at the back of a group and also sound very similar to howler monkeys.

- Physical activity (after 6 weeks of a sedentary lifestyle)...

- Toilet not flushing (well to be honest that was really a lowlight for the next user)

Lanquin highlights:

-The view from our bed...

-The view from the shower...

-The view from the deck...

-Random school bus...

-Sunsets...

-Pets…

-River tubing...

- Climbing trees...

 - Swimming...

Lanquin lowlights:

-Random school bus lack of safety...

-“Tailbone taps” in very shallow water whilst river tubing

- Alice nearly falling into 2m deep pit of pig shit, food scraps and God knows what when visiting the pigs at the hostel...

- Discovering that what we thought was an open range zoo full of dangerous animals (right next to our swimming place!) was in fact a cave with stalagmites named after dangerous animals (ie. Cobra, tiger, jaguar etc). The guy working at the hostel was pissing himself laughing at us! (Spanish not going well at this point)

Semuc Champey Tour (a.k.a. DAY OF DEATH) Highlights:

- Surviving the tour under the guidance of the recently awarded “Worlds Most Unprofessional, Wreckless & Irresponsible Guide”.

- Gaining knowledge (We learnt not to trust any guide from here on out even, “The Worlds Most Unprofessional, Wreckless & Irresponsible Guide” of all time).

- The absolutely magnificent scenery ...

- Swimming... 

- Chair swing... 

- Jumping off a bridge (Kris only!)...

Semuc Champey Tour (a.k.a. DAY OF DEATH) Lowlights:

-Getting shoved in a truck like barnyard animals (with 18 other people)...

- Getting sent into a slippery, dark and unpredictable cave with candles (candles made in Guatemala no less) as the only light source

-Having the guide blow out our candles/or take them away from us at any given time and getting to return them to us whenever he felt like it. (He seemed to enjoy taking them off us during the most dangerous sections of the cave)

-Being in the back half of the group and missing out on light, vital information and guides help with tricky parts of the dark slippery and pointy cave

- Alice left dangling from a frayed rope climbing down a waterfall (guide pissed off somewhere- we think with the first half of the group)

-Alice’s trustee reefs failing her in the unfamiliar waterfall terrain

- Jumping off a swing and nearly hitting a rock...

- Hitting the ground after bridge jump (damn you guide!!!)...

*lucky trustee reefs were in situ at this point*

- Alice sustaining a severe tail bone injury after guide pushed her down a “rock*” waterslide (*not a real waterslide)

- The guide being an arsehole to everyone

Antigua highlights:

- Walking around the colonial streets taking in the scenery... 

-Hammock time... 

-Learning basic Spanish and basic English (a lesson on verbs)... 

-Toasting marshies on Volcan Pacaya... 

-Meeting good friends...

-Good coffee... 

-Staying in one spot for 8 nights with amazing free breakfasts...

-Having routine (well everything except bowel habits)

-This Guy...

Antigua lowlights:

- Packing up after 8 nights in the one place... 

- Having the bank employee try and steal $80 off us on our last night in Guatemala and laugh when we noticed

- Hiking up volcano but having view completely blocked by mist/ clouds the whole time...

Xela highlights:

-Making our own way to the hot pools via chicken bus & truck... 

-Avoiding being electrocuted by our shower... 

-Leaving Xela

3 day trek from Xela to Lago Atitlan with Quetzeltrekkers…

Highlights:

-Hiking under the stars on the final day to watch sunrise on a mountaintop over looking Lago Atitlan and the volcanoes... 

-Making friends with the locals... 

-Finding a shop that sold beer...

-Walking through local villages

-Friendly locals smiling at us

-The scenery... 

-The sense of accomplishment...

-Watching locals machete trees and not us

- The amount of entertainment we got when we realised that Kris accidently stole a plastic container of cooked beans from Quetzaltrekkers even though she told the guide three times she had given it back

Lowlights:

- Having to pick a very used and dirty soft drink bottle from shelf at Questzaltrekker HQ and find a matching bottle cap in a plastic bag filled with lids

- Realising that the dirty bottle was intended to be used as our personal water bottles

- Being subjected to Quetzaltrekkers very tight austerity measures (e.g. sleeping mats/ sleeping bags/ trekking bags/ food containers/ food/ hike/ guide etc. etc.)

-2-3 hour ascents up mountains/ corn fields/ dirt roads

-Dust...

-Rain (which we were told by our guide "never happens")

-Walking through villages (yes it’s also under lowlight)...

-Unfriendly locals scowling at us

- Crazy racist (they only barked at white people) street dogs chasing us...

-Sleeplessness

-Camping out on a tile floor of a village “Town Hall” with paper-thin sleeping mats...

- Neighbouring Church with bells that had, speakers attached (to ensure that everyone heard them- person or animal), ringing 24 hours a day...

-The crazy racist street dogs barking because the church bells were ringing every hour during the night

-The roosters crowing because the crazy racist street dogs were barking because the church bells were ringing every hour of the night

-The toilets in the town hall... 

-Finding out that the only shop that sold beer was warm

-“Mayan Sauna Experience”…we like to call it “Mayan Toxic Waste Den Experience”. The walls were coated in black tar (mmm carcinogenic); Alice’s hair started to singe and Kris had a panic attack... 

Lago Atitlan Highlights:

-The view from our brekky table...

-Kayaking… Yes our relationship stood the test (just)...

-More tree climbing...

-Pier jumping...

-Taking a day trip to ChiChi market... 

- Listening to coked up, drunk and stoned neighbour vomiting from 2am to 6am (karma bitches!)

Lago Atitlan Lowlights:

- Smelly, dirty, hippies. (we found out most of them have money/ trust funds and a friend told us she refers to them as “Trustafarians”)... 

-Visiting towns via this very spacious stable boat...

- Finding out that on Saturday nights our quiet, relaxing hostel turns into a gross cesspit of gringos with loud music and even louder (and more stupid) opinions

- Having a "puff the magic dragon" for a neighbour, who decided to smoke all his drugs inside the room and send the smoke directly into our adjoining room that was only separated by a partial wall

Guatemala word associations:

Mountains

Forests

Cowboy hats

Colourful

Traditional get ups

Dust

Electric showers

Cold showers

Crazy bus drivers

Polo Campero

Coco-cola

Eggs, rice, beans (frijoles), tortillas

Tuk tuks

Gold teeth

Machete

Guns

Hippies (very dirty ones)

Ammunition

Wildlife

Ruins

Rivers

Smoke

Corn

Chicken bus

Chicken boat

Chicken

Street dog

Street food

Ute transformed into people moving vehicles

Overcrowded

Hard workers

Happy

Horns

Whistle

UHT milk

Coffee

Agriculture

Trading

Markets
Lush

Handmade

Friendly people (mostly)

Dramatic landscape

Volcanoes

Adventure

Fun

Absolutely beautiful

We are now heading into Nicaragua via bus and only have four more weeks left. Time is flying but we promise to keep up with blog.

Peace out dudes!

Kralice